Home › Forums › Decaffeinated Coffee › Chaveirim Damaged the Car, Whats the Right thing to do?
Tagged: Chaverim
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March 31, 2026 11:05 am at 11:05 am #2532291besalelParticipant
My 17 year old son was in Monsey a week or so ago when he ran over a pothole and got a flat tire. He called Chaveirim. A very nice but clearly wildly inexperienced young man showed up. He was struggling to remove the tire off the wheel so he figured he’d kick the tire as hard as he can in the hopes it loosens up. As he did this a few times, he missed the tire and kicked the fender and put a nice sized dent into the car. I gave it some thought and figured to just leave it alone. My car is kind of old anyway. But what would be the erlich thing to do in that situation? Request compensation? Say something to Chaveirim? They are all volunteers after all but this was not ordinary negligence but rather supreme incompetence. If nothing else maybe they should have this fellow get a little training before he does something like that again. I am curious what the oilem thinks would be the appropriate thing to do.
March 31, 2026 5:04 pm at 5:04 pm #2532397Red AdairParticipantI’m not a rav (far from it), but for the sake of a halacha discussion, here are a few points an thoughts:
First of all, even in a case where the mazik is completely responsible, e.g. someone deliberately kicked your car for no reason, the liability is only for the depreciation in value. Unlike secular law and insurance, the liability isn’t what it would cost to return your car to its previous condition, but only what its drop in value is. An already old and battered car likely has a minimal depreciation from a single additional dent.
Next, I think this question should’ve been asked to a rav and/or posek, because while this wasn’t your intention at all, it may be loshon hora about Chaveirim on this public site.
Third, I do think that the fact that it was Chaveirim is very much a factor – while a random person who comes to help you may or may not be competent, it’s reasonable to assume that a member of a group that specializes in this type of help will be competent, removing the “Why did you trust him?” question from the equation.
Fourth, my family members have been the recipients of Chaveirim’s incredible chessed multiple times. The fact that total strangers are willing to come out to you, literally get their hands dirty, and help with flat tires, jump starts, lockouts and other issues at any time day or night, all the while refusing any type of pay or even a tip, is just an unbelievable kindness. Often their help is for people who are desperate and have no other recourse to get their car back in action late at night or at other times where other help isn’t readily available or would be terribly expensive. These people are a G-dsend to the desperate and I’d strongly ask that anyone keep that in mind.
A word to the supervisor about better training for that individual – yes, phrased as kindly and appreciatively as possible. Being mochel the damage – also yes, whether or not you’re halachicly obligated to, it seems the mentschlich thing to do.
March 31, 2026 5:04 pm at 5:04 pm #2532398commonsaychelParticipantWhen a yeshiva bochur stands on the night of his wedding under the heiglige chuppa with the shchina by his side and signs a document which declares as follows:
???? ???? ?????? ?????? ?????? ????? ???? ?????? ?????? ???????
?????? ??????? ????? ???????? ???????
and further he states he will supply
???????? ???????? ????????? ????? ?????? ????? ?? ????
is he lying to his kallah?
March 31, 2026 5:04 pm at 5:04 pm #2532401nishtdayngesheftParticipantCall Chaverim and thank them for sending someone over to help your son. For free.
And perhaps, offer to sponsor a course for how to work with tires that are difficult to remove other car emergencies that do not resolve as easily as they usually do when you have to deal with an old jalopy.
March 31, 2026 5:04 pm at 5:04 pm #2532419Dr. PepperParticipant@ besalel
The first thing I’d do is call them and ask if they have insurance.
Im not sure how it works but a neighbor of mine once called Chaverim when was told that their insurance won’t let them fix the issue his car was having that day.
March 31, 2026 5:04 pm at 5:04 pm #2532421Always_Ask_QuestionsParticipantWhen you have someone working for you, you should be liberal with their mistakes. There is also an idea that an expert is not liable for mistaken bad advice. BUT a non-expert is.
In this case, I agree with you that you need to help them know when they are competent – and prevent future damage. Surely, you want to send a friendly message to whoever is in charge of the group.
March 31, 2026 5:04 pm at 5:04 pm #2532429ujmParticipantSounds to me similar to a shomer chinum situation. (Don’t quote me on that; ask your LOR.)
March 31, 2026 5:04 pm at 5:04 pm #2532430ujmParticipantOn another note, an unmarried person shouldn’t be driving, since they aren’t yet fully immersed in the value of life.
March 31, 2026 5:04 pm at 5:04 pm #2532434Ploni Almoni18ParticipantThey’re taking their time to do a free service. They’re not all necessarily pros and ppl know that when they call and use them anyways… If you want a pro call AAA and then have a tayna if they mess it up.
March 31, 2026 5:04 pm at 5:04 pm #2532435NOYBParticipantI’m a Chaveirim guy (not in Monsey), so here’s my perspective: If your car is kind of old, the wheel was likely rusted on to the rotor. Kicking the edge of it is a regular thing to do in this situation, as is hitting it with the spare tire and sometimes, if none of that works, with a hammer. I’ve occasionally had cases where the tire was so stuck on, we couldn’t get it off and the car had to be towed. Even without rust, wheels are sometimes hard to remove. Missing the tire happens to everyone occasionally, but denting the fender is pretty unusual. Either way, I wouldn’t call any of that supreme incompetence, unless there are more details we don’t know. As to what you should do, there’s a few angles:
1. definitely say something to Chaveirim. They can try to figure out exactly how much of an incompetence vs accident this was. If it’s an incompetence or training issue, I guarantee they want to know about it. If it is just a thing that happens every once in a while, then there’s no harm in telling them.
2. When it comes to asking for compensation, it may be worth looking at the whole story. Your 17 year old son called a volunteer organization for help changing a tire. Sure, it’s not always easy in practice, but almost anyone with a license should be able to do it. Someone who does not get paid for this took time out of his day, a week before pesach (so he’s either taking time out of his bein hazmanim, his work, or helping his family prepare for yom tov) to help your son. Even if you want to say the guy didn’t handle it the best, at the end of the day he was trying to help, not getting paid, and dealing with a situation that can sometimes be tricky (wheels do get stuck) in what sounds to me like a pretty normal way. The damage you described also sounds more cosmetic.
Bottom line, you may still be fully within your rights to ask for compensation. After all, the guy did damage your car. But in this case, with the money coming from tzedakah, is it the erlich thing to do? I am biased, but I don’t think so. This is assuming that the damage is cosmetic and your son is physically capable of changing a tire, if those 2 assumptions are not true than things may be different.
March 31, 2026 5:04 pm at 5:04 pm #2532449YFRBachurParticipantYou werent there, you have no real idea of the volunteer’s compitency.
Kicking the tire is standard practice,If you want insured service call a towtruck and pay for the service.
April 1, 2026 1:11 pm at 1:11 pm #2532556rescueParticipantHolding someone liable for a dent in an old car when he took his time to help you from his own day without getting payed no think there are times in life where letting things slide makes sense. Out of appreciation and not to embarrass the guy. This is that time. Only good things and good tidings can come from letting it go this time. It’s the honorable thing to do
April 1, 2026 1:11 pm at 1:11 pm #2532561besalelParticipantTo be clear: we’ve used chaveirim many times and are grateful for what they do. I am grateful that a boy not much older than my son dropped everything to help my son.
April 1, 2026 1:11 pm at 1:11 pm #2532646WiseSage58ParticipantCommonsayche hit the nail on the head.
April 5, 2026 10:05 am at 10:05 am #2533074MosheR53ParticipantI would say he has a nail stuck in his head
April 6, 2026 10:53 am at 10:53 am #2533197HardlyEverCommentParticipantI am sure this can happen in any town, so in the future you can leave “Monsey” out of the question. It makes it look like you have an axe to grind.
April 6, 2026 10:53 am at 10:53 am #2533230HardlyEverCommentParticipantSticking up for Monsey, it would be best not to name the town as this can happen in any town.
April 7, 2026 10:17 am at 10:17 am #2533453Always_Ask_QuestionsParticipant> it would be best not to name the town
indeed, it is even worse in less densely Jewish towns. When you see a clearly observant person misbehaving on the road, you likely know the person and it is also weighs more into people’s perception.
April 7, 2026 10:18 am at 10:18 am #2533561meir GParticipantA few points
Choshen mishpat, there is a clear understanding that a unpaid volunteer cannot be held responsible examples a guy helped you carry in furniture and scratched your walls…, a friend tried steaming your hat at home and burnt it…
On an older car it can be a nightmare to get the tire off , and the best mechanics slam and bang to loosen the rust, so nothing out of the ordinary…
As has been said these chaverim are angels
Insurance?.are u kidding, monsey, nothing bad
Kick in the other side a bitApril 7, 2026 3:04 pm at 3:04 pm #2533671jdf007ParticipantWhen I get my tires replaced, I like to watch. I often see hammers and mallets being swung to get the thing off. Especially when the car is older.
As a spectator, I confirm what NOYB states about tires on multiple occasions of buying and watching my tires get changed.April 10, 2026 11:45 am at 11:45 am #2534079shlomo_fridParticipantHakaras Hatov:
The incredible chesed that Chaveirim do:
a few years ago, driving from lakewood to Brooklyn i had a flat in Staten Island;
Car was a very old lexus, (tire nuts use a ‘key’ ; they were rusty;
a police car stopped and tried to help me , and was not able to remove the tire; but he did tell me some amazing stories about how chaveirim help him (while on duty) ; He knew he could call on them for help;
in short, the car eventually was towed to a Sears store in S.I. (on a Sunday) ; i figured they are pros. in short they worked on it for a couple of hours
and they were NOT able to remove the tire ; so they towed the car to their parking lot, and wished me good luck;
now it’s Sunday past 5pm , so i called chaverirm in Brooklyn; they advised they were very busy, but eventually they showed up around 8pm
they worked on it for 2 hours, and nothing was doing;
They were about to give up, and they decided to give it a last try; And then the tire finally came out, and they installed the replacement tire;
and went on their way ; ofc i sent a nice donation to chav. in brklyn , but in my mind this was priceless, so my question to besalel: if yoiu had a bad experience with ch. How many incredible situations when they provide amazing , selfless help , like my story can we count? So, would you like to encourage their service, or ask them for some money becasue of one bad experience? would you like to be able to call on them when in real need ?
What about hakaras Hatov?April 12, 2026 11:19 am at 11:19 am #2534161Always_Ask_QuestionsParticipantChaverim do a great job, but I am just wondering – do people in your area use AAA? It is pretty reliable OOT. Is it not good in-town, or there is moral hazard here – people know that chaverim could help for free, so why buy a service?
April 12, 2026 11:19 am at 11:19 am #2534164ItsMeNotYouParticipantI think a lot of people here are missing the point. He is saying that the incompetence is the fact that he kicked the car not the tire! Would you say the same thing for a volunteer EMT member who instead of properly treating he makes a mistake that could be long-term damage? Where does hakaras hatov start and end?
April 12, 2026 11:19 am at 11:19 am #2534171DWKL1Participanttheir are laws in the usa that protect someone who comes and tries to help you called GOOD SOMARATIAN LAWS
Good Samaritan laws provide legal immunity to individuals who act in good faith to assist someone in an emergency, protecting them from liability for ordinary negligence or unintentional injury. These laws are designed to encourage bystanders to provide help, such as CPR or first aid, without fear of being sued if something goes wrong
April 13, 2026 7:25 am at 7:25 am #2534570besalelParticipantI’ll add to the Chaveirim hakaras hatov stories: another son was stuck in queens. We called GEICO. They sent a tow truck but couldn’t change the tire because they couldn’t reach the spare. Instead of towing the car we called chaveirim who sent a very knowledgeable fellow. He told my son he 3d prints the lugs needed to free the spare because he knows they are hard to free. He changed the tire and my son was on his way. It was around midnight. We love chaveirim and like I said in the original post we were not going to ask for compensation even if we were entitled to. The question is what is the appropriate thing to do. I appreciate the various takes so far this post has received.
April 13, 2026 4:44 pm at 4:44 pm #2534873shlomo_fridParticipantBESALEL: Very good post by DWKL1, regarding good sam. laws; so: even if anything else doesn’t count, dina demalchusa dina!
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