It’s an interesting point but it’s also a straw man. When people say that they went off the derech because of the way that frum people behave, it’s often in reference to more endemic or widespread behavior; or behavior that is sanctioned by rabbonim. Just as an example, at my parents’ shul, there is a sign that says “If you think you might talk during davening, choose a different shul.” So I chose a different shul. I’m sure they’re very proud of themselves, but my parents aren’t thrilled that I’m not allowed to daven in their shul. And at some point it becomes reasonable to judge frumkeit by those who determine what frumkeit is.
