I recently had to pay a shiva call to a friend of the family. I, too, was a little bit emotional, whereas, the family were quite calm and warm to those who came. I sat only very briefly with them and saw the conversation move to others shortly thereafter. I had the same concern as you, and my mother, who went with me, told me they were very private about their mourning and therefore, did not want to become emotional in front of everyone. What I learned from this is that it’s good to mirror the emotional state of the aveilim while expressing sincere condolences. That being said, it works only some of the time (to hold back). So, don’t beat yourself up for your reaction. Your being there with them and grieving with them heals them, even if it’s not said.
