but no we do not want size 12 or 14 or 16..that just shows a lack of discipline and a lack of motivation and a total disregard for living a healthy life. “
So much to criticize here; so little time. Where to begin????
Lack of discipline? Lack of motivation? A total disregard for living a healthy life? Many young women who are not so slim. have incredible discipline. They are in every profession, they are wonderful wives and mothers, they are loving and outstanding baalos chessed. They have motivation all right, but maybe their body type does not allow them to be model slim. Maybe eating the same amount of food as others, results in weight gain for them. What should they do, fast until their body type meets your criteria? Do you think they want to be overweight? Mayeb for their height, size 12 or so is the NORMAL weight. Average IS size 12-14, I believe. Lucille Ball, whom no one would ever have called overweight, was a size 12 when she filmed I love Lucy.
Maybe you are too preoccupied with the number and not the total package. And I doubt very much that someone size 12-16 wants to live an unhealthful lifestyle. Not everyone has the time, money or wherewithal to exercise sufficiently to burn off enough calories to lose more weight. Some people are in school and work fulltime, and then busy with studying when they get home.
Whatever it is, we should not be judging people. Especially if we do not want to be judged in return, and found wanting.
Just for the record, girls who are more realistic sizes than the anorexic models our society seems to deem attractive, are often very generous-hearted people. They are motivated to try harder to be pleasant, appreciative, and nice. You are cutting yourself off from some potentially outstanding shidduchim, by looking at a dress size instead of the whole package. And skinny girls can also gain a LOT of weight after marriage and several children (and that should not matter, either, if you love your spouse).