So Tatteh, looks like we are in agreement, merely speaking about different avrechim with different masgichim.
One torments her 12 hour husband for 14, or begrudges him a sleepy day during ben hazmanim after an intense zman.
Those are the scary ones. That will destroy him – and their shalom bayis, to boot.
One would like to see him awake. Yeah, I see where they are coming from there.
But I think it’s important for the most fiery kollel to realize that their husband can have a difficult zman, and her subtle disapproval will break down, and subtle encouragement will build him up (pancakes! nothing does shachris better then pancakes! of course, by 10am they are cold & soggy…)