– first of all, I agree. Money & Looks are the icing on the cake. But if the cake is poison…and icing you can find later. But yes, I definetely believe they are important. And just icing with no cake causes a bad stomach ache, and makes you get replused by icing and long for cake. So I’d prefer cake with no icing, then icing with no cake. Marion Antonette would have been proud.
But IF – and big IF – because you can be blinded by the beauty & the benjamins and not see that a serpent lurks within the Gucci and chicken feet in the prada heels.
In other words,I don’t think anyone says “yeah, I want cash & a supermodel” – but I think guys convince themselves they are taking into account internals because there brains stop working at the sight of externals. Gotta keep the brains in the drivers seat.
I do think people give them too much weight, and many focus too much on externals and marry someone whom they should not have married.
The OU did a survey on frum marriage – 26% of people said they weren’t sure if they would have married there spouse, given the chance to do it again. %15 (part of the 26%) said they would not have married there spouse.
Sad reality – they messed up. They did something wrong. They are suffering – and many , could have done it otherwise. Mind you, 15% is one out of seven.
I once heard a shiur from a fine talmid chacham about shidduch – “Bashert needs to leave your head before shidduchim – you can marry the wrong person. You will burn in the world and in the next for doing so – so get your head screwed on straight”.