There is a Gehenom and we are supposed to be afraid of it. Rav Yisroel (Ohr Yisroel) says it is a mistake to think that the being that will be punished is just your “neshama”. It is you, the same consciousness, the same being that you consider “yourself”.
That said, your friend was probably raised in an environment which was severe and not understanding or sympathetic to the normal human trials. I don’t believe any explanations about gehenom or Hashem will be helpful. When she wishes to connect to Judiasm, she will need to find out what is holding her back.