Reply To: Crazy Shidduch Story

hud is right, I should have used more discretion when posting

Cheerful – you need to have an honest conversation with you parents – it might be very difficult – parental expectations often drive children toward choices, some of them good, some of them not so good – but in this instance you really need to do what is best for you, and that means finding a shidduch who meets your needs, not the needs of your parents, or siblings, or friends – if you marry someone who does not meet your needs, you could c’v resenting him as time goes on, and that is a terrible way to live – BP Totty offers incredible wisdom in his posts – after the fanfare of the wedding is over, it is you and husband – is he someone you can live with, and is the life he wants to live consistent with the life you want to live?

Finding a mentor who can guide you through this process, as others have suggested, is a good idea – I speak from experience – a long time ago I was involved with someone very seriously – everyone was urging me to make a decision and take the plunge – I confided my true feelings in the rebbetzin, who I thought would say, “yes, do it” – and instead she said, “don’t do it – it’s too great a risk” – ending that relationship was one of the hardest things I ever did in my life, but it was one of the best things I did in my life, because I would have been miserable forever.

No spouse, husband or wife, is perfect – but you must find some harmony in the person with who you will be, and if your heart tells you the type of person is different than the type of boys to whom you are being redt, you need to share that with your parents – your gut feelings are very important, and you cannot ignore them –

I wish you the very best, and look forward to hearing that you broached a difficult conversation in a respectful manner with true kibud av va’em, but in a manner that leaves you at peace and ready to look forward, with happiness, to meeting your true zivug –

hatzlacha,

Mrs. “Grok”