I didn’t mean to confuse anyone. I thought that this discussion was the question of whether or not/how to redt a shidduch if parents and children want two different things. As for the boy or girl, I would again, say, that it depends on how old and mature they are. If they are young, then they are safer being connected to someone who knows them and can guide them in a Torahdik way. Usually, this is how it works, even if the parents agree, that the boy or girl discuss a shidduch that they are serious about with a Torahdik person, whether or not you want to call it Das Torah. If the boy or girl is older and/or more mature, it probably isn’t practical or necessary, as you said, for the boy or girl to have to consult someone before every shidduch that comes in. Once the boy or girl has their mahalach I would imagine that they would consult someone, again, only if the shidduch is serious. It is really tough to feel that such a weighty decision needs to be decided alone. Most boys and girls want the input and guidance.
The only point that I am suggesting is that before a person redts a shidduch to a young, immature, and temimusdik boy or girl without parental approval or consent, to realize that this is a heavy achrayus – the shadchan, friends, etc. walk away from it after the chuppah, but the ones left coping with the outcome of the decsions are the chosson or kallah themselves, and parents. I certainly would not want such an achrayus. That’s why, based on the individual nature of every situation, a shidduch that you know lechatchila is against the parent’s wishes probably should be with Das Torah, to be sure that you are in the right to suggest and push such a shidduch.