Chaim> Its not to showoff, its just ingrained that this is what we do. And so here is the key point, the more the rich do things the higher it brings up a standard for everyone else. Its very hard not to spend the money when its the social norm. To your last point, I do not think dependcny is an issue. Thats even more rare.
“not show off, just ingrained” – you are trying to simple re-word and excuse it. It became ingrained because it is popular to show off.
I agree that rich folks are partly responsible, but these days people should know enough not to copy.
On dependency – if you take a group of those who are independently middle-class and those who depend on some community help – it is true that the first one often show off even more (as they have more funds available – and I hear it is worse in NY area than in other places), but this group contains a sizeable cluster of people who do not show off – you simply do not notice them when they do not make those lavish simchas. The dependent group is pressed more to comply. It is what I see.
These issues show up in unexpected places – some of our kids insist already 3rd year in a row that they need to give shaloch monos to teachers with a good bottle of wine. Not because they love those teachers so much – this is shayach to any teacker – but because [wide eyes] that is what everyone does. We told them – you gift what you drink – grape juice.