Simcha, this is very confusing. Melech Dovid was able to gather an army. Was it not “charedi” enough for you? Torah is not calling on us to wear certain clothes and eat gefilte fish. It has various mitzvos and our job is to analyze when they are applicable and act when necessary. Whatever social and psychological issues are there, they should not be an excuse to not follow Torah. I am not saying that there is a definite answer to serious questions, just that excuses are not relevant.
And for sure, one cannot claim an exemption as a ” T Ch” if he has issues that prevent him from considering his options under Torah. This is like killing the parents and asking for rachmonus as an yasom.