> it doesnt make sense to suddenly from being a {control freak dictating monster and} controling mother to a helpless mother who will just be mafkir her kids,
It does make sense to Rambam Hilhos Deos 2:2
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A person who swayed in the direction of one of the extremes should move in the direction of the opposite extreme, and accustom himself to that for a long time, until he has returned to the proper path, which is the midpoint for each and every temperament.