Wolf, No, c”v to think of yourself as “complete” idiot (your words). The underlying question of why indeed do we make a brocha of “l’haneach tefilin” and not “likshor tefilin” – as loshon ha possuk, is well discussed, though many might not know of the discussion.
I will cite a bit on the topic:
??”? ????”?
????? ??? ?????? ????? “?????” ?????? ??? ????? ????? ?????? ???? ?? ???, ???? ???? ???? ????? ?????? ?????? ?? ?????, ??? ?? ???? ????? ????? ?????? ???????, ????? ????? ????? ??? ?????? ??????? ??? ??”? ?? ???? ??”? ???? ?? ???, ????? ???? ??????? ?? ?????? ???? ???? ?????? ???? ?? ???? ??? ?? ????, ??? ???”? ???? ?????? ?? ?????? ?? ????, ???? ???? ???? ?????? ?? ?????? ???? ?? ???? ?????? ???????, ??? ?????? ????? ???? ???? ?????, ??”?.
That the k’shira is not the mitzva, the intent of “u;keshartem” is thatt the tefilin should have a kesher when placing it on hand. Just as mezuzah the possuk says “v’kesavtem” but the mitzva is not to write the mezuzah on the doorpost (the writing is on the parchment), but to place it there.
??”? ?? ??? ??”? ? ???? ?? ?”? ????? ????? :
??? ??? ?????, ?? ?????? ??? ???? ????? ?? ???? ????? ??? ?? ?? ????? ?? ??? ??????? ???? ??? ???? ????? ?????, ??? ???? ????? ?????: ??? ????? ??????? ????? ????? ?????? ????? ???? ????? ?????? ??? ??? ???? ??? – “?”? ?? ????? ???? ???? ???? ??? ?????? ???? ????? ????? ?? ?????? ?? ???”…, ??? ?? ????, ?? ???? ?????, ??? ???? ???? ?????? ??????? ??? ?? ????? ??? ????? ????? ?????? ????, ?????, ????? ???? ?????? ???, ????? ??????? ?????? ?? ??? ?????.
after asking if keshira is part of mitzvas tefilin, concludes that it isn’t, some proof derived from fact that woman made kesher…
??”? ???? ???? ????? (? – ?) ???? ? ?”? ????? ????
????? ???? ?????, ??? ???? ????? ????? ??????, ??? ??? ?????? ????? ??? ?????? ???? ????? ????? ???? ????? ?????? ??”? ??????? … ???? ???? ????? ?????? ?? ???? ??? ?????, ????? ???? ????? ??????? ??? ?? ????? ??????? ?????? , ??? ?? ????? ?????? ?? ?????? ????? ????? ???? ????? ???? ??????.
the mitzva is that the tefilin should be on the hand, not the tying or even the placing, if they were placed on their own, if he intends for the mitzva, the mitzva is fulfilled.