Frank:
The word “Agunah” is borrowed from the situation in which there is inadequate evidence that a man who is missing has died. The status of “eishes ish” remains until either there is verification of his death or he reappears and grants a get. The circumstances of a couple where there is refusal to grant or receive a get are unfortunate (for someone for sure), but this is not the true agunah.
Much of the time, when we encounter the contemporary agunah, there is no get for any of a wife variety of reasons. And anyone can be at fault. It is unfair and inaccurate to generalize this as all the man’s fault or all the woman’s fault. each case is different, and should be judged on its own merit (and full collection of facts).
There is frequently difficulty in reaching an agreement for the divorce. Issues can include terms of custodial rights, visitation, child support, division of assets, and similar matters that should all be decided before the get. It is a fact (sorry feminists) that the man has the control to withhold the get. This is frequently used as leverage. However, the woman tends to have the upper hand (not always legally, but practically) regarding the children. This game occupies a great proportion of the deliberations that precede the get. And the contentious get is probably more common than the peaceful one. Regardless, the delay between the separation with the initiation of the plans for the get and the final culmination of that process can linger with the mediation/litigation process.
Divorce is a process that elicits the most negative personality traits one has. This can include revenge, greed, control, cruelty, etc. It is a shame that people get swallowed up by those traits, and feel that the expense of time and money is worth all the aggravation. Divorce has become an industry, and includes toanim, batei din, lawyers, and various professionals (therapists, counselors, mediators, etc.) I would love to see something change that streamlines the process, making it less expensive and agonizing. Meanwhile, it is often said that, “Marriage is grand. Divorce is a hundred grand.”