Reply To: Almost 30- is it too late for me to even try?

Thanks hakohen53 for your contribution. I understand that Judaism does not encourage conversion, I’m just trying to find out as much information as I can, so I can realistically assess whether or not this is something I should pursue.

I have heard of Aish and in fact know many Jews who became religious through this organization (less through Chabad, but I know a couple of them as well). Through their materials, I’ve read about intermarriage and how subsequent generations will be lost to Judaism. I identify with these “lost Jews”, or people who should have been Jewish but aren’t because of their family circumstance. And a growing part of me wants desperately to “return” (although I guess that would be more of a baal tehuva term), I just presently lack the strength in emunah to do so (and also information – I am just trying to learn all I can and hold off making any decisions for the time being).

I guess I’m in a bit of a weird place because halachically, obviously, I’m not or would never be considered a baal teshuva, but because I grew up with such a strong Jewish enthocultural presence in my home, I don’t really identify with converts either.

It would be interesting to learn how many converts come from a partial Jewish background because I think this puts us in a unique situation (not any better or worse than other converts, just different). Also, a lot of situations I’ve heard of baal teshuvas struggling with, i.e. their non-religious families being defensive about not keeping kosher, are very familiar to me. Where some converts without any prior connection to Judaism have a divine experience or are spiritual seekers, my Jewish roots have played a strong part in my growing desire to pursue conversion, because I feel like, in spite of all my fears and doubts, a Jew is who I am at my core.

In any case, I know it’s a complicated issue that I don’t expect to resolve right away. I very much appreciate your kind wishes and feedback. Many thanks to everyone else as well. 🙂