Logiacan- yeah its true i know there must be areas of learning that i would find interesting but i havent yet find my niche for learning and i hope i will one day. I cant change my pasts negative associations with learning, but im trying to change my behavior and change the association to a positive one.
Loyal Jew- Thats a very litvish apporach. Not exactly my style. I dont think is so simple to spend your life doing something thats torture for you. You can bring me all the arguments youd like, but i do not believe god brought me to this world to make me suffer. I believe he wants me to be happy. I will continue to do what makes me happy while trying to be the best jew i can and have a strong relationship with God.