“(I’m sure APY would simply have their child sit at home and not go on dates, because after all bas ploni l’ploni and Hashem is mizaveg zivugim. I have no doubt that APY does nothing for parnassah either, because we know that hashem arranges for our parnassah as well).”
If you define hishtadlus as running to every shadchan who hangs a shingle, those who dont know you from adam, grasping at every straw as befits a desperate human being, then you are right, I did not put in the proper hishtadlus when it came to my own shidduch, and I will not put in the proper histadlus into marrying off my children.
The clever marketing campaigns that breed and feed the mass hysteria that surrounds shidduchim these days is what makes people do stupid things when it comes to shidduchim, including treating shadchanim like trash. Desperate people do stupid desperate things. Those who know there is a ribbono shel olam in this world do not buy into the hype and hysteria.